


One for the money, two for the show

by randers1



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28156380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randers1/pseuds/randers1
Summary: Jay and Hailey as she makes her decision about the FBI. But things never go as smoothly as they should. Based on 8x03 promo SMUT ALERT for Chap 3
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 49
Kudos: 164





	1. 1

Jay had been antsy all day. He’d kept an eye on the clock as he drove, typed up the reports from today, and gone over the most recent surveillance transcripts. The only time he’d been fully ‘on’ was when they were actively pursuing the offender they’d gotten a lead on, and had been glad when he was in their custody, and could go back to focusing on what was at the forefront of his mind—Hailey’s flight in to Midway. He’d been covertly tracking her flight, anxious for her to be back in Chicago again. The FBI had sent an official invitation to speak to them about a job offer and had flown her to New York. She’d texted from the cab afterward to say it went fine and she’d talk to him about it later.

He was leaning back in the chair at his desk, arms stretching above him, when Kevin spoke.

“She land yet?”

“What?” He’d been caught off guard and was confused at both the question and how closely it spoke to his exact thoughts. He could lie, he knew, play if off, but why bother. “Yeah, about 5 minutes ago.”

“That explains it.” Adam spun around in his own chair and leaned back to see Jay. He continued at Jay’s questioning look. “This is the most relaxed you’ve looked in _days_ , man. Not that you look that relaxed but—“

“Shut up, Ruze. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” His hands were back at his keyboard. Hopefully getting back to work, with purpose, would put an end to this topic of conversation.

But it didn’t.

“She give you any details about the meeting? How it went?”

His fingers continued to fly over the keys and his eyes stayed on the screen. “No.” He tried to keep his tone even but it came out tense. Like he felt.

“No way Hailey’s gonna go work for the feds,” Kevin spoke up. “That girl is Chicago through and through.”

“Not to be the lone voice of reason here,” Kim interrupted from her desk. “But if the offer’s good she’s gotta consider it. I know I would.”

“You would?” Adam sat upright in his chair and turned to her.

“Hell yeah. You wouldn’t?”

“No way,” he shook his head. “I was born here, my family’s here--- this unit is where I belong. This is home.”

Kim cocked an eyebrow in his direction. “Well, not everyone has such solid roots.” They all knew a degree of Hailey’s past just like they all knew it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility that it might not be as difficult for her to leave it all behind.

Jay’s attempt to tune them out was interrupted by the flash of his phone screen. His lips quirked a bit as he grabbed it and his mug, and headed for the break room.

Once there he poured a new cup of coffee and sat with it at the small table, calling up the latest message on his phone--the one from Hailey. She’d landed and wanted to know if he was free later. Jay rubbed at his face, thinking through his response before typing it out. He was already breathing easier knowing she was back…but now came the follow up, the part where she told him what her decision was. And that was something he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.

He knew what he wanted for himself, but this wasn’t about him. Selfishly he wanted it to be, wanted to be able to tell her he hoped she’d chosen to stay, chosen Chicago, and their unit…and him. But with a deep breath he just typed out _, sure. when and where_

A few hours later he walked in out of the cold, and found her at the table just past the window. The bar that they were meeting at was their alternate when they wanted to talk or drink in anonymity, without their friends or colleagues drifting in and out. This bar wasn’t blue.

He hoped it wasn’t some kind of signal.

“Hey,” he smiled at her, somewhat guarded, ready for his world to change.

“Hey.” The smile she returned was neither. It was pure, and he felt small for not showing her just how genuinely happy he was to see her. It had only been 3 days but it had felt…longer. He was already not handling this meeting well.

He figured he’d start with the basics then go from there. “How was your flight?”

“Fine. Got you a bourbon.” She fingered the lip of her glass and motioned to the other one on the table. “How was work?” She looked up at him from under her lashes.

He just looked at her, staying silent. Evidently two could play this game and he sighed. Might as well get right to it. “Thanks.” Then. “What did the FBI offer you?”

“Joint level task force.”

Was she just smiling or was that what people called ‘beaming’? Jay wasn’t sure but she certainly looked happy. He tried to keep his demeanor even but knew he was failing. Horribly. He really wanted to be happy for her, knew he should be…but he couldn’t quite get there. He was getting in his own way, the last thing he wanted to do was get in _hers_. With a quick grimace, he pushed his glass away and stood, ready to rip off the band-aid, and call it an early night. Lie about being tired or some other bs. He was digging a hole for himself and he wanted to leave before it was too deep. He’d been here less than five minutes.

But Hailey was Hailey and she pushed.

“You know, you _could_ tell me you don’t want me to take it.”

“Is that what you’d tell me?” He shot back with a small, wistful smile.

“I’d like to think I’d tell you the truth,” she replied emphatically, one eyebrow up and nodding slightly like he should know.

“You want to know if I want to lose the best partner I’ve ever had? Doesn’t take a genius to figure out that answer, Hailey.” He raised his eyebrows, trying hard to keep his tone even and his body language mild.

“So much for being honest,” she quipped lightly. He’d gone with the easy answer instead of an honest one and she was irritated.

“You want honest?” It came out with a chuckle but the tension was higher now and he rubbed a hand over his jaw. “How bout we backtrack a bit, back to when I was in the hospital. There was something you were going to say then but didn’t. Seemed pretty important.”

“Jay.” It was nearly a warning. _Don’t go there._

He matched her tone perfectly. “Hailey.”

She shook her head a bit, her ponytail falling off of her shoulder. “That was months ago. I don’t even remem—“

“I don’t believe that.” The look he gave her was intense and one that he used when he thought a suspect was lying to him. He watched her look away from it, knew he was pushing harder than usual but they were so close to the edge of whatever they were dancing around. Had been for a while now. He couldn’t bring himself to be the one to jump but he could push.

Hailey took in a breath. Somehow they’d gotten off of one topic and onto a more dangerous one. The situation had flipped on her. Hard.

She purposely avoided eye contact with Jay and pursed her lips. This wasn’t the conversation she was prepared to have tonight. Maybe in a very roundabout way it _was_ but she was hoping for straightforward. Hailey reached for her jacket and pulled an arm through. “For what it’s worth,” She had the jacket on and pulled her hair out from the back. She stood up and looked him in the eye, her lips flattened. “I didn’t take the job.”

She tapped her fingers lightly on the table. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” She threw a barely-there flash of a smile and headed out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two steps forward three steps back. Then a giant leap.

_“I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night  
Rough on the surface, but you cut through like a knife” **—Taylor Swift, Willow**_

Hailey woke to a text from Jay. _Getting coffee and picking you up._

She lay back on her pillow, an arm thrown across her forehead, and blew out a breath. She furrowed her brow, thinking back to last night and how it had all gone so wrong from how she’d wanted it to. Why couldn’t they get past whatever it was between them? They’d get so close but then she, he, or both would panic and bolt. Emotionally, physically, they’d distance for a bit and let things settle before picking back up in their comfort zone. She was sick of it. She knew she had feelings for Jay. Was it love like Vanessa had said? She still wasn’t exactly sure but whatever it was she felt it. Deeply. And it scared her. How cliché to develop feelings for your partner. But he wasn’t just her partner. Hadn’t been for a while now.

She thought he had some sort of feelings for her too, though again she couldn’t pinpoint what they were or how deep they went. She saw how he looked at her, knew he told her things she was pretty sure he wasn’t sharing with the class, confident she’d keep the information to herself. But after being in New York she’d come back ready to move forward or at least get things out in the open. See where they stood. If she was wrong she could get over it. Would get over it. She had to if she wanted to stay in Intelligence, keep him as her partner. The thought of having to though. That was tough.

Getting off the plane at Midway she’d felt bold--had asked to meet with the intention of telling him she was staying, see if they could get a foothold on where they stood, move forward. The bourbon she’d downed fast before he’d gotten there had helped too. But he’d shown up defensive and distant and she felt the rug pulled out from under within minutes of him sitting across from her. Then he’d thrown their hospital talk at her and she’d shut right down, completely unprepared for that. Didn’t even know he _remembered_ that conversation much less knew the importance of whatever she’d been about to say. But he did and he had and he let her know it last night. _Shit_.

Hailey let out a frustrated groan as she stretched and made herself leave the warmth of her bed to get ready for the chill of the morning.

“Hey,” she greeted the driver of the truck as she settled in her seat. The seatbelt pulled across her and clicked, she accepted the coffee that was offered to her and put both hands around it, letting its heat go through her gloves and warm her hands. “Thanks.” The sun had been up for only about an hour and everything was still frozen and cold.

He pulled out in to the light traffic. “Least I could do after acting like an ass last night.” She glanced at over at him. _At least he knew_.

She sucked her teeth before speaking. “Not exactly how I thought the evening would go,” she lightly agreed.

“Yeah? How’d you think it was gonna go?” He glanced over at her before putting his eyes back on the road.

Hailey huffed out a light chuckle. “So, it’s a little early… and this is my first cup of coffee…..” She stopped anything else she may have said by putting her lips to the cup and sipping. She wasn’t ready for this conversation. Not yet.

Jay nodded. “Copy that. But I did want to say I’m sorry.” She nodded, eyes still downward. “And….lemme make it up to you. Dinner?”

Hailey nearly choked as she swung her eyes over to him. “Umm, yeah sure. That’d be great.” From somewhere down deep she was able to come up with a smile. The one she usually saved just for him. Successfully.

He knew he hadn’t mentioned what she told him last night, about not taking the job. It just seemed like a conversation not meant for a quick ride to work. He’d bring it up again later. Tonight. Over dinner. Jay grabbed the steering wheel a bit tighter realizing he’d basically just asked her out. And she’d accepted. He forced himself to focus on police work and police work only as they pulled in to the lot at the 21st.

The work day went smoothly. Closing a case was always a good feeling especially when all the evidence they had gathered against their offender screamed that he’d be put away for a long time. One less shot caller on the streets was a good thing. The only hiccup for Hailey had been Voight’s quiet pit stop at her desk on his way to his office.

“Just heard the news. You sure about this?”

She had looked up from her screen to see him standing there, arms crossed at his chest.

A tight smile was what she could muster as she stole a fast look at her partner, catching him looking between her and their boss. “Yeah.”

“Opportunities like this don’t come along every day.” He was met with a silent nod at the reminder. She got it. She knew. “Okay then. Good.” The assurance was good enough for him, though he did leave her with a quiet grunt before moving back to his own work behind closed doors.

She looked back to Jay whose eyes were still locked on hers. “Tonight. We’re gonna talk about it.”

Her head was shaking before the words left her mouth. “There’s nothing to talk about, Jay.”

“ _Tonight_ ,” he repeated before he went back to work. Hailey kept her eyes on him for a few seconds after that, letting out a light sigh and putting her eyes back to her own screen.

Hours later they sat at the table in the restaurant, both slightly on edge but not exactly sure why. They’d had many meals together, had ridden to and from restaurants and bars, it shouldn’t have been any different. In many ways it wasn’t-- but it also was.

Hailey fidgeted with her napkin, flashing a smile at the waitress as she left with their orders.

“You didn’t have to do this y’know. Dinner….” Then, because she didn’t want him to think she didn’t appreciate it, “I mean it’s nice. This place….and everything.”

“Less chance of being yelled at in a nice place.” He quipped.

A brow raised as she smiled. “Yeah? This a lesson you learned firsthand or…?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jay grinned, feeling some ease return. “But really. I did want to apologize. Last night wasn’t how I wanted that to go. I knew you wanted to talk and I just….” He shook his head a bit. “I couldn’t do it, Hailey.” The admission came with a light shrug, not out of lack of care but as way as explanation. “Knowing you could say you might take that job-- might leave. I wasn’t ready to hear it even if you were ready to say it.”

She nodded and bit at her lip. “I get it. I just wish I’d gotten to tell you differently. I wanted you to know I was staying….” She inhaled. “And I wanted you know to know why I was staying.”

“Okay.” His voice was quiet but his glance was broken from her as the waitress set their drinks down in front of them. He allowed a polite smile in her direction before directing his attention back to his partner. “Why? What made you decide?”

She sipped from her glass as her eyes darted away from his. “Jay,” she breathed and ran a finger around the rim of her glass, looking up at him with regret. “I think--- I think it’s too late for that. I’m staying. That’s probably all that really matters now.” Her nose scrunched up a bit as she all but choked out the words. She’d felt bold the day before but that had been thanks to a plane ride that gave her a lot of time to think, and some fast shot whiskey. Now, aside from this dinner with Jay, she was back to real life. A day at work, paid some bills, plans to hit the grocery store. None off that made her especially courageous. Maybe this was her real life, how it would stand for a bit. She’d made her decision knowing that Jay might never factor more in to it and she knew she’d have to live with that. It was quite possible that she’d already started.

Jay sat back in his seat and sipped at his own drink, feeling like another opportunity had just slipped through his fingers.

He didn’t like it but agreed to let it go.

Problem was he couldn’t. It burned at the back of his brain, in his chest. He nearly brought it back up what seemed like every other sentence but he bit his tongue. He’d gotten himself in to this; he’d figure out a way to get out of it if there was one.

He found it later on that night. After the dinner that had started so awkwardly and ended only slightly less so. They’d talked about so many things but none could match what they _didn’t_. He found a way to get out of this mess he’d made with Hailey, the one she graciously had barely called him out on but knew her walls had risen as a result. He hated himself for causing that.

The only way to fix this was to fix it. To show up, both literally and figuratively, and figure this out once and for all. He could do that. Would do that. And while he grabbed his wallet and keys and made his way out of apartment and back out to his truck, he tried to prepare himself for the fact that no matter how things went tonight, his world was very likely about to change.

Hailey sat in her living room, a bottle of water in her hand as she watched the flames from the fire reflected in the plastic. She pulled it to her and sighed heavily. Another day, another conversation with Jay that hadn’t gone the way she wanted. But she’d taken control of it this time and controlled the way it went. Shut it down as quickly as possible. They’d already spent too much time dancing around things. She just wanted to move forward. There was no way to do that if they didn’t just stop. So she’d stopped it. She was doing her best to not focus on how she really felt about it, and instead concentrated on the flicker of the flames.

The quiet was disturbed by the ding of an incoming text. At this time of night she had no doubt who it was from. _You awake_

She sighed as she read it, only hesitating slightly before replying. _Of course_

Seconds later there was a knock at her door. When she opened it, it was to see Jay standing, hands in his coat pockets against the cold air and a serious look on his face.

“What do you want?” His tone was both demanding yet soft. He was careful to keep his features even.

She gave him a wry chuckle. “You’re the one knocking at my door. Pretty sure I should be asking you that.” She backed up, allowing him in and closed the door behind him. He was here like a part of her knew he would be, just as she knew her time was up. Everything that went unsaid yesterday, tonight, was here. 

Jay ignored her question. “What do you want, Hailey?” He was quiet and curious. Serious. Wanted answers before his head and heart exploded. “And before you ask why or what I’m talking about, think about who’s asking. How I know you.”

She looked at him for a quiet moment, her face serious and her eyes clear. Her answer was simple. “I want you.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “Whatever way I can have you, Jay. As my partner…or….”

“Or?”

A short breath escaped her as her eyes lingered on his. They were here. In the moment, and she couldn’t turn back.

“Any way I can have you.”

The slight Voight-esque grunt he gave would have made her grimace on any other day but right now she knew it was clicking, what she said…what she meant. Now she could only wait.

He took a step toward her and she leaned in to the warmth of his palm as it found a spot against her cheek.

“Do we need to talk about this?” His voice was low. Husky. She felt a shiver run through her body just at hearing his voice like that. It was new for her and she wanted to hear it a million times more.  
  


But she kept her face serious. Composed. She watched him for a few seconds as she shoved past the shiver and the feeling, processed his words and what he was saying. They could spend time time talking but it would just be spinning wheels. They didn’t need the words, at least not right now. She gave a slow, slight shake of her head. “No.”

That seemed to satisfy any other question he had at the moment as he gave a slight nod as if to say _okay._

Hailey watched him do it a second time before feeling the hand not currently warm on her face, snake around to the back of her head.

“You want me.” He whispered to her, going back to her words from a minute ago. “I want you.”


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone tried to write some smut and that someone is me. aka Jay and Hailey finally give in.

Hailey could feel Jay’s breath as he turned her face towards his, leaned forward, and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss started off tentative--soft and warm, but a fast fire kicked in and turned it into something hotter, something stronger. Her hands went around the back of his neck, holding onto him and keeping him close. He shed his coat without pulling away, feeling some kind of unearthly magnetic pull which made it absolutely impossible to let her go. Everything about her felt right in his arms, and it was a heady feeling. One he already realized was necessary for him to function, to breathe, to live. Having her so close and one kiss in, and there was already no going back.

For Hailey’s part she was in equally as deep. Kissing him now was a balm she didn’t know she needed, the feeling of his fingers probing the skin along her back and under her shirt both calming and speeding up everything in her body, mind, and soul.

She pushed against him without moving away, walking him toward the staircase that led upstairs, up to her bedroom. Her hands roamed the planes of his stomach under his shirt and quickly yanked it up and over his head. She was aching with need, and want, and desire, and everything that had built up for so long, hitting her all once. She’d gotten them to the foot of the stairs when he turned them and quickly had her arms up and over her head, then down again. Her shirt was dropped behind him in the foyer, and he took a turn to push _her_. He moved with her and she found her back against the steps, Jay’s body hovering over hers for just seconds before she felt his weight against her. And God it felt so good.

His lips were at her neck, then collar bone, working his way around and covering all of the skin there. She moaned his name softly as he dipped his head to the soft skin above the cup of her bra. Hailey’s eyes were closed as her hands roamed his back, dipping her hands beneath his jeans to feel his ass. But then his lips were gone and cold air rushed at her as she opened her eyes to see that he’d moved away. Not far but enough for her to miss his body heat blending with hers.

Her eyes searched his, confused and wanting. “Jay?”

“You’re beautiful.” It was a whisper as his fingers slowed and stroked her shoulder, gently pushing the bra strap down on one side, then the other. Hailey appreciated the sentiment, the words, but she wanted _him_. _Now_. She arched her back, finding his lips, biting and licking her way around his mouth. Her hands went around him again, to his lower back, as she pulled him back tight to her and lifted her hips to meet his, grinding up in to him the best she could, still clothed and at an awkward angle against the steps.

He mumbled her name through the kiss and it was her turn to pull back. One look at him and she knew what he was thinking—the stairs weren’t going to work. They needed more room, fewer angles. She nodded and his movement was immediate. One hand went under her and pulled at her hard, while the other slipped under her back and pressed her to him. Next thing Hailey knew she was upright again, this time her back against the stairwell wall with her legs wrapped around his waist. She huffed out a moan, uncertain if it was from the sudden movement or his lips working against her neck. Her hands went to work, fumbling in front and beneath her as she worked the prongs of his belt. It came loose quickly and she was granted access to the zipper and fly of his jeans. His hands were behind her still, and one snaked to the clasp of her bra, easily unhooking the clasp. She pushed against him slightly, only enough for the straps to fall the rest of the way down her arms and for her to discard it on the steps.

Her chest was raising up and down, her breath somewhere between panting and deep breaths as her eyes caught his. They were so close to her bedroom—to her bed—to being together.

“ _Jesus, Hailey.”_

She was against him again, pushing her hips down to feel him, a hand back in his jeans, popping open the button and allowing the push of her hand to slide down his zipper. She felt him through his boxers, hard and strong and wet. She was met with a groan at her touch and she was in his ear, nipping at his earlobe before whispering. “First door on the right. Now.”

Jay didn’t need to be told twice but with her hand moving around him, and her body pressed tight with her voice and lips in his ear… he needed a few seconds to move.

When he did it was with a near growl and Hailey nearly lost everything at the sound. It was primal and nearly her undoing.

While he kept her where she was, the act of walking the last few steps with her pressed against him had him stepping out of and kicking away his jeans as he they hit the landing. He put her down and whirled her back against her door frame, nearly free to touch her with everything he had.

His head bent to capture a breast while holding the other, and rolling that nipple between his fingers. His tongue flicked at the one in his mouth, nipping at it with his teeth then soothing it with his tongue. Hailey’s hands left his skin and went to push down the jogger pants she’d been wearing. Jay steadied her with his hands at her hips as she stepped out of them and immediately snaked a hand between her legs.

She groaned and moved her hand faster against him, until he moved her hand away and put his hands at either side of her face and kissed her hard. He loved what she was doing to him, for him, but if they were going to make it to her bed he needed her to stop.

He tried to be gentle in laying her down but Hailey wasn’t having it. She was under him and pulling him to her, hands roaming everywhere, kissing his shoulders, trailing wet marks down his chest.

They spent time exploring each other, tasting each other, and beginning to learn what the other liked, needed, the sounds they made when they needed more, less, faster, softer.

Jay stroked himself a few times before lining himself up with her entrance. He put his hands on her hips and guided himself inside of her in one long movement. Hailey let out a deep sigh, one that sounded like relief, and he made the same sound as he pulled out and slid back in again.

She moved, drawing him in and out of her with sharp snaps of her hips, and Jay groaned, falling into the speedy rhythm she set, giving her what she wants and needs. Before long, they're past the point of breathing hard, gasping, and he can tell Hailey is close.

He can feel way she clenches around him, the wetness that drips between them. It feels mean but he pulls out, breathing hard, and just watches her beneath him, hair messed from the thousands of times he’s put his hands through it, lips swollen from the same number of kisses—an amazing number considering tonight’s the first time they’ve given and taken them, (the first of many days and nights, he hopes). Her face is flushed, her lower lip caught in her teeth, the flutter of her eyelids before they stay open for him to see them dark with want and need. _For_ _him_. He’s turned on even more just seeing her under him and claims her mouth with his own, his tongue meeting hers over and over again. Quickly and without warning, he buries himself inside of her again. He hears her gasp, probably louder than she meant to and he knows he's hitting the sweet spot inside of her. At that moment, Jay wants nothing more than to go faster, harder--please her, give her everything she wants and needs, and more, whatever that is.

His mouth left hers only to move and give attention back to one breast then the other, all while listening to the desperate, needy sounds she' makes for him. The sounds that lets him know that with everything else that they’re good at, that they’re good at _this_ too.

His lips stayed busy, trailing around her breasts, licking up her sides, nipping at her skin wherever he can. He knows she’s close because he can feel her clenched around him, but it’s confirmed when she tells him. He’s right there to help her over the edge, continuing to slide in and out of her and adds a thumb to her clit, pushing and moving until she makes a strangled noise that will live in his brain forever.

The sound she makes as she comes, along with the feeling of her clenching and pulsing around him pushes him hard and he tumbles over right after.

"Hailey - " It leaves him as a groan, and she knows, kisses him harder and deeper, and he comes as she did, for what feels like forever in the best way. It takes them both a bit for to come back to themselves, utterly sated, absolutely satisfied, and intensely…happy. Jay kisses her again, and gets lost in it, feeling her hands pulling through his short hair as the kiss tightens up and his hands roam gently, reverently, against her body. He wants to stay right here, just like this, deep inside her forever.

When Jay opened his eyes the next morning, he wasn't in his bed and he wasn’t alone. Hailey was asleep beside him, curled up on her side.

He rolled onto his own side with a smile at the sight, and propped himself up on one arm to watch her. With his other hand, he trailed light fingertips down her warm shoulder then arm, and back again.

"It's rude to stare," she told him through closed eyes. Opening them a bit more came with a smirk as she moved closer. A gentle push had him rolling onto his back once more, so she could rest her head on his shoulder, her face finding a spot in the warm crook of his neck. She laced an arm around his waist to hold herself in position next to him.  
  


Jay slid an arm beneath her and continued the gentle trailing of his fingers along her skin. "Only if you get caught," he said.

“Mm. Consider yourself caught. Full weight.” Her voice was still heavy with sleep and he loved hearing it this way, seeing it in person. He felt her warm breath on his skin and took in a deep breath, fingers continuing their journey in a much different manner than the hours before.

“Can we go back to last night?” He felt the slight laugh move through her body. “Hailey.” This time it wasn’t a laugh that he felt but the deep breath that it was her turn to take when she realized what he didn’t mean.

She shook her head. She could tell from his tone that he wasn’t talking about the physical activity. “I don’t wanna talk,” she grumbled, keeping her head where it was, her voice muffled against his skin.

“You made your decision, Hailey. I still just-- why…” His words trailed off as she moved up from him, and propped herself up on an elbow. He rolled to his side to match her and his eyes locked on hers.

They were still close enough for him to feel the breath from her light sigh, feel the movement of her light shrug. “I chose my life here, Jay. The life I love. This is the life I want.”

He didn’t know exactly what he was looking for or what he wanted to hear but he knew he still hadn’t heard it. But for now, while he still had questions, she’d given him what he needed. A last bit of reassurance, both that she was still staying and wasn’t regretting how they’d both ended up in her bed this morning.

They stayed that way for a while, quiet, warm and at ease with this newest version of each other’s company in this new place. They stayed that way until Hailey’s alarm announced the typical start to her day.

He smiled at her groan, at her muttered, “I don’t wanna.” Words he was sure weren’t typical for her in regard to going to work. For his part, Jay did want to go to work, if for no other reason than he wanted the day to end just so he could come right back here.

“Hey. You’re pretty cute when you first wake up.” He gave her a slight nod, his chin rising once. “A little whiny, but cute.” Being able to tease her as the sun rose may have been one of his new favorite things. One of a thousand he discovered since last night.

An eyebrow raised. “Cute?” she questioned. “Cute.” She stated, waiting for confirmation.

He took her in, naked skin peeping out from wrinkled sheets, mussed hair, sassy smile on lips he couldn’t imagine ever not kissing now that he had. “Cute.” He confirmed. “And gorgeous. And smart. And crazy sexy.”

Immediately, her cheeks puffed as she smiled wide. “Ahh, there we go.”

He pulled her back to him and she willingly, eagerly changed tactics and rolled up on to him. She found his lips and began to work at kissing them, swelling them beneath her own. Jay smiled in to the kisses and somehow found the strength to push her upright before things progressed too far. “So listen—I have a bag in my car. I’m gonna grab clothes—okay if I shower?”

Another groan from Hailey as she let him be the responsible one, and flattened her hands against his chest. “Mm, if that’s really how you want to spend the next thirty minutes…”

He laughed and cleared his throat. “That’s absolutely _not_ how I want to spend the next thirty minutes but—“ He pushed her hair back behind her ear, smiling at how ridiculous that idea was. “The sooner we get out, the sooner we get back. And I _definitely_ want to get back here.”

Hailey couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face as she tried to ignore the heat she felt in her cheeks. Hoped the pink there wasn’t too deep. She rolled her eyes mildly as she rolled off of her partner and sat on the edge of her bed. “Okay, dedicated cop. Go grab your stuff, I’ll hop in the shower. Coffee’ll be up when you’re done.”

“Copy that,” he agreed. “But first—“ He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back to him, kissing her deeply through her surprised and happy laugh.

Two coffees in yetis sat on the counter, waiting for hands to carry them out to Jay’s truck. He walked in to the kitchen, showered and dressed, to find Hailey ready to go, and dropped his bag.  
  
“Hey,” he stepped to her, putting his hands at her waist. “Did I say ‘good morning’ yet?” She laughed, and hearing it at this time of day, here in her kitchen, after the night they’d shared, he knew he wanted to hear it a million more times.

She smiled at him. “No. So rude.” The smile turned in to a grin, and she stepped into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek to his chest. He slid his arms around her and held her tight. He closed his eyes and lowered his chin against her head, sighing heavily.

“Hey.” It was a whisper against his chest. She stepped back but was still so close she needed to physically look up to see him. “We gotta go.”

Jay looked down at her now, still some sort of disbelief swirling through his brain that he was here and holding her like this-- had held her, felt her, kissed her, all of her, all throughout the night. Now, and once again, he kissed her like a man who’d drowned and been brought back to life, needing all the air he could get. Warm comfort washed over him as he did , and he held her tighter as though she might disappear if he didn't.

“Yeah,” He pushed her hair back and gave her a quick smile and a slower kiss. “Just…” He trailed off, looking at her.

“I know,” she agreed solemnly. Once more she rested against him, her cheek against his chest and his heartbeat in her ear. She stood that way for a moment, holding him as tightly as he held her until she knew if she didn’t step back, that she wouldn’t be stepping back at all.

She made herself move. “Ready to do this?”

He kissed the top of her head before letting her go completely and grabbed his bag. “Let’s do it.”


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay and Hailey lean back in to their care for each other. On their way to love.

“Anyone hear from Upton?” Voight walked out of his office and addressed the bullpen.

“She was off about an hour ago, boss.” Kim offered as she rifled through a file. “Left right from her desk not that I blame her.” She offered a sarcastic smile at Jay, Kevin and Adam, all of whom were currently at a work stoppage. Voight wouldn’t be asking if there wasn’t a reason.

Jay thought back a bit to when she had grabbed her jacket and left. They’d been joking about him holding his last pen hostage from her when the flash of the phone screen had distracted her. He’d thrown the pen over to her while she read through her texts and she’d left right after.

He stood a bit and looked at her desk; the pen was still where it landed. 

“Got an alert from New York.” Hank paused. “FBI caught a bombing—and it’s not good.”

Kim was standing, reading her boss’ body language, her nerves spiked. “Lindsay?” Her voice was low.

“No,” Voight replied. “But the unit Hailey worked with--they had losses…” His eyes found Halstead. “Jay…?”

“On it.” Jay grabbed his jacket and slid the truck keys from his desk.

He’d called and texted as he left the bullpen, the district, and along the way to her house. No answers to any, and now she wasn’t answering her door. Her car parked outside told him she was here. “C’mon Hailey.”

Repeated knocks and doorbell pushing got him nowhere so looked for her hidden key. Something he gave her shit for when he found out about it, but at this moment he was glad she’d done it and that he knew where it was.

Jay unlocked the door, pocketed the key and quietly walked in to her house. He found her in seconds. Hailey stood at her kitchen counter, head down, elbows bent at the surface so her arms were braced as she held her head. A bottle was unopened in front of her and her absolute stillness was unnerving. He hadn’t seen her move at the door close or his heavy-booted footfalls.

Jay moved to stand behind her and said her name quietly. He put his hands gently on her shoulders and moved them downward. When she still hadn’t moved, he pulled at her gently until her back was against him, and wrapped his arms around her, put his head close to hers.

“I’m so sorry, Hailey.” It was a whisper as he held her.

They stood that way for nearly a minute, Jay waiting for her to respond in some way, to move, to feel her an increased motion in her chest rise and fall

She’d driven home in a near haze that grew heavier as she got inside her home. The last thing she could clearly remember was being incredibly relieved to be home. Through the numbness that had eventually taken over her mind, Hailey felt the warmth of Jay behind her, felt the solidity of him as he held her. The haze was lifting and her emotions were racing right back toward her after being blocked for the past hour. Her head fell back a bit and she closed her eyes as her head met his chest. His grip tightened a bit around her and she leaned harder in to him.

“You’re here,” she murmured to the quiet of the room.

“Yeah,” he reassured quietly. “I’m right here.”

Jay felt her fingers gingerly to move to grasp one of his. She held it tightly for a moment before sliding her other one up and now one held his hand while the other gripped at his forearm.

“Why was she there.” Her voice was barely a whisper as her head shook slightly.

“Hey,” Jay pulled his arms down gently and turned her to face him. She wouldn’t though. Couldn’t yet. Instead her cheek took a place against his chest as her hands found his sides and gripped his jacket. His arms wrapped back around her and pulled her in a bit closer. A hand smoothed her hair while the other held her back.

They stood that way for a what seemed like too long and still not long enough. It was Jay who finally spoke. “Tell me what happened.”

Hailey stepped back and for the first time he got a good look at her. His hands went to the sides of her face and surprisingly but not, there were no tearstains, no telltale signs that she’d even been crying. Knowing her she’d held them back, hadn’t let them out. Yet.

She looked up at him and sucked in a breath. “I got the text from OA. Wanted me to hear it before it hit the news. That Kristen…” She trailed off and made no motion that she was going to continue. The blank look was returning.

Jay nodded and grimaced, putting the pieces together. “Hang tight.” He squeezed her arms and left her to grab two glasses and the tequila that she’d obviously pulled with the intention of drinking but hadn’t moved past it. “C’mon.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her gently toward the living room.

Once seated on the couch he poured and gave her her glass. “Kristen?” He began for her.

Hailey took the glass and held it to her chest. “Without all the details…”

“Hailey,” he interrupted, giving her a reprising look. She should know better than to withhold the details.

“You don’t need those, Jay.” She was sparing him from even the few that OA had given her over the phone on the way home. He’d given them factually but they were still horrible. “She was there. And the bomb….she shouldn’t have been there.” She’d grown close with Kristen during her time in New York, getting drinks and dinners from time to time, laughing and joking, trying to break up the stress in the office. They’d called and texted a bit since she’d been back. Kristen had recently mentioned being up for a position change but that had been all she’d said, had been excited to hear that Hailey might be too, and OA confirmed that this had been her first assignment with that team. The team Hailey would also have been a part of. “I would have been there if... Maybe I could--”

“Jesus,” he whispered, getting the full weight of the situation. His arm went around her shoulder and he pulled her close. “This isn’t on you, Hailey.” He spoke quietly.

She nodded a bit but without remotely selling the idea that she agreed. The nod was just for his benefit. “Maybe if I’d been there—“

“Then that might be you that Hank told us about, and Hailey. If that _had_ been--” He couldn’t finish the thought much less the sentence. “Look, the job is the job. I’m betting Kristen knew those risks and was willing to take them, like we do every day. For the good of the city.”

She didn’t say anything, but sipped at her glass. She got it on a logical level, but this was someone she knew. Someone who was excited about the change in direction her life was taking. Hailey hadn’t taken that direction and was instead sitting on the couch with Jay. Alive. At the start of something new while Kristen’s had ended. And the feelings she had about that were all over the place.

Hailey blinked a few times as she held her glass close to her chest, leaning a bit heavier in to Jay’s arm around her, giving her a much needed feeling of security. She furrowed her brow a bit before she spoke. “You’re my best friend, you know that?”

He chuckled lightly. “I guessed.”

“No, you are,” she assured. “And—“ she pursed her lips as she thought about how to say what she wanted to. “I feel like there’s something I need to say.” She shifted and turned to face him, her shoulder firm against the arm that had been around her. _Don’t move it_ , she may as well have said. _Keep it there_.

“I’ve learned a lot on the job, Jay, and,” her head shook lightly. “I know we all know that tomorrow’s never promised. For anyone, but especially…” She let her head fall against his arm. “You asked me what I was going to tell you at the hospital.”

“Hailey--” This wasn’t the time. He wanted to focus on her, what she was going through. Be there for her, not talk about him.

But she knew all that. This was part of it. “When you were shot—then in surgery. And nobody knew what was going to happen...” Subconsciously, her finger went to his shoulder, touching the spot where the scar lay underneath. “It made me realize…then….that the thought of you not making it, of something happening to you. It was terrifying and-- I think that’s when I started…to realize that what I felt for you went past partner.”

Jay’s hand moved to rub circles at her shoulder with his thumb. Fully invested in what she was saying.

“And I know that _us,_ that this _thing_ we have….” Her lips twisted a bit as she rested her cheek briefly against the hand at her shoulder. “This is a gift, Jay. And I want you to know that I know that.” She bit her bottom lip for a second. “You’re a gift.”

Her eyebrows raised quickly. “I’m gonna kiss you,” she told him. “Fair warning.”

“Consider me warned,” he smirked lightly before running his tongue between his lips. “But just so you know, if you didn’t—I was gonna.”

Hailey tried to bite her lip through her smile but gave up, moving closer to him. “Yeah? Guess I spoke too soon then.”

“Hailey,” he reached behind her and held the back of her head. “’too soon’ is _not_ how I’d describe this. We put in our time.”

She smirked back. “Yeah? So then what are you waiting for?”

“ _You_ said you were gonna kiss _me._ I’m just following your lead.”

She took that in and shook her head. “Okay then….” She leaned forward, watching Jay all the while until she was too close, and closed her eyes, feeling his lips under hers, letting her move against them before responding whole heartedly.

When they broke apart she smiled up at Jay and settled back against him. “You taste like tequila,” she told him quietly.

“Mm,” he nodded, his arm settled around her again. “Listen. Hailey.” She looked at him, loving how her name sounded when he said it. “This is great,” He smiled. “Really great….”

Hailey groaned softly “This sounds like a perfect place for a ‘but’.” She sipped at her tequila.

“But,” he drew out, trying to temper what he was about to say with a soft smile as he pushed a wisp of hair away from her face. “I hope….I hope it’s not about what happened to your friend. I don’t need or want to fast-track this. I’m in it—this is real for me, Hailey.”

The look on his face was so earnest Hailey felt tears prick her eyes. She licked at her lips and turned to him, crossed a hand to rest it on the arm that had been around her and held on. “This _is_ real, Jay,” She assured him. “We see shit every day, the worst this city has to offer, and I know that. Knew that. I guess I’m just getting the big picture, seeing it first hand for the first time.”

“If …” Her brow furrowed a bit and she scooted back toward the arm of her couch, still facing him and crossed her legs under her. He could see she was thinking of something big, was looking for the right words.

“Hailey--don’t overthink it. Just—what is it.”

Her lips quirked a bit as she appreciated what he was saying. “I just—“ she shrugged. “That job offer—where I could’ve been if I’d answered sooner, if I’d said yes…. I don’t get it. None of that should’ve even happened. The feds weren’t anything I was looking for. I didn’t go there trying to climb some ladder. I went because Voight sent me. I did my job and yeah, it turned out great and I ended up enjoying it-- I don’t know that I got out of it what Voight wanted, but…” She ran a hand through her hair and offered up a tight smile. “There---that’s not who I am, it’s not who I want to be. And now, I think maybe I feel guilty about it.” She saw Jay about to speak, to tell her not to feel guilty but she wasn’t done, and put up a hand to stop him. The next part required a pause then a deep breath before continuing. “I do want you to know though-- when I thought about taking that job, about leaving Chicago, Intelligence…I didn’t feel excited or proud or anything that you should feel when you get that kind of opportunity. Instead it was the opposite. I felt---sad.”

“Sad?”

“Yeah.” She nodded a bit with another quick bite at her lip. _Here we go_. “I wasn’t scared to go, or to try. I just really didn’t _want_ to. New York was great in a lot of ways but….” She shrugged and looked him in the eye. “It’s not where I want to be. It’s not home. Home is Chicago. It’s the White Sox and the Bears, and beer, and walking the lakefront…It’s Intelligence, it’s our unit, and.. And you, Jay. Not to be all weird or clingy but…Home is you.”

He felt like he’d been punched but not in any way he’d ever felt before. Breathing was an effort as he pieced together everything she’d just said. It was perfectly put. Matched his feelings exactly and he had never felt so in sync with someone in a way that wasn’t just or based on the physical. His hand went to her foot and rubbed at the socked top. He smiled and nodded as he reached for her hand, pulling her back toward him.

“Home, huh?” He couldn’t help the grin that was spreading across his face.

“Don’t let it go to your head. It’s just a--” She grinned back. Anything else she may have said was cut off by his lips on hers. She opened her mouth to him, investing in the kiss, and the closeness, and him.

When he leaned back, he pulled her back to his side, and wrapped around an arm around her shoulder. She still had a rough time ahead of her—details about the bombing would still come out, the death of her friend, the funeral. Her guilt and feelings about all of it.

Jay kissed the top of her head and he felt her lean in to him. “I’m glad you’re not going anywhere, Hailey.” He whispered. “Cuz neither am I.”


End file.
